Lowlights from the press conference

President Bush Holds a News Conference

As president and commander in chief, I have the constitutional responsibility and the constitutional authority to protect our country. Article 2 of the Constitution gives me that responsibility and the authority necessary to fulfill it.

These are some sections of Article 2, but I don't think these are what Bubble Boy has in mind:

he shall take Care that the Laws be faithfully executed...
...Impeachment...

...a minority of senators filibustered the Patriot Act...

Uh, wanna check that math again, BB?

...junk lawsuits...

Wow. Issue of the day: Domestic spying. And here we have a reference to junk lawsuits. Nothing like keeping that stump speech handy.

And the American people have got to understand that we think in terms of elections. Most of our elections end the day after the election. Sometimes they don't.

(LAUGHTER)

BB: Remember when we litigated the shit out of the 2000 election, and then called in our chits from the Supreme Court?

Press Corps: Good times, Sir! Good times!

I mean, this is what -- and the attorney general was out briefing this morning about why it's legal to make the decisions I make.

Man, that's some telling phrasing right there. "It's legal to make the decisions I make." The more sensible and rational phrasing would be "the decisions I made were legal," or "the decisions I made followed the law." But instead he said, "it's legal to make the decisions I make" - so, all decisions he makes are legal? That seems to be what he is saying here. Anyone gonna call him on that?

Again, any public hearings on programs will say to the enemy, "Here's what they do. Adjust."

Well, ain't that convenient. Hey, you guys aren't shredding the Constitution in that closed meeting, are you? That sounds like a shredder! I know it is!

Saddam had the desire to reconstitute his weapons programs. In other words, he had the capacity to reconstitute them.

Desire and capacity are synonyms? That's excellent, because I have the desire for X-ray vision, so that must mean I have the capacity for it, too.

...democracies don't war; democracies are peaceful countries.

Except when we do it. Then it's fine.

I believe everybody has the desire to be free. [continuing]
BUSH: I recognize some don't believe that. That was -- basically condemned some to tyranny.

That is one whopper of a straw man. BB's opponents are against freedom and would condemn the Iraqis to tyranny. And a big fuck you to you, too, Bubble Boy.

I just want to assure the American people that, one, I've got the authority to do this; two, it is a necessary part of my job to protect you; and three, we're guarding your civil liberties.

One, trust me. Two, Georgie'll protect you. Three, trust me.

And on this program, to suggest there's unchecked power is not listening to what I'm telling you.

Ah, Bubble Boy the Lecturer. Just let him explain it all - your brain will seize up and you will feel less inclined to use it at all in the future, and really...won't that be better for everyone?

And again, I understand the press and members of the United States Congress saying, "Are you sure you're safeguarding civil liberties?" That's a legitimate question and an important question. And today I hope I helped answer that.

Wow. Does he even know what "civil liberties" are? I'm guessing no, except as some bullet point on his briefing sheet about ACLU and other whiners.

I mentioned in my radio address -- my live TV radio address...

Oh boy.

And the lowest of the lowlights:

BUSH: Thank you for violating the multiple-part question rule.

QUESTION: I didn't know there was a law on that.

(LAUGHTER)

BUSH: There's not a law.

(LAUGHTER)

It's an executive order.

(LAUGHTER)

In this case, not monitored by the Congress.

(LAUGHTER)

Nor is there any administrative oversight.

(LAUGHTER)


Press corps: Boy, when he gets on his material about dictatorship, he just fucking kills! (Wiping tears) Just kills!