Bush Declares Iran’s Arms Role in Iraq Is Certain

"I can say with certainty that the Quds Force, a part of the Iranian government, has provided these sophisticated I.E.D.’s that have harmed our troops,” Mr. Bush said, using the abbreviation for improvised explosive device. “And I’d like to repeat, I do not know whether or not the Quds Force was ordered from the top echelons of the government. But my point is, what’s worse, them ordering it and it happening, or them not ordering it and its happening?"

Dear Press Corps,

Please ask President Bubble Boy if the U.S. government has evidence that U.S. weaponry has been used by Iraqi insurgents against U.S. troops. And if there have been cases of our weaponry being used against us, please ask him if that means that his government is responsible for arming the insurgents, and will we be sending any carrier groups to the Eastern seaboard as a threat against ourselves.